She saw something greater at work in me…and now she knows.
She knows.
She didn’t know then and hurt me like hell-and we will never be the same.
But if she grew because of her time with me, then I’m ok.
Stand up for what you know to be true…the pain now will pale in comparison to the results…
It’s a fight between my heart and mind…
I have been loved more than one ever deserves.
My fear is to ever take that for granted.
…no one really wins this time.
Understanding your problem does not fix it.
That is the first mistake. We think once we understand what is wrong, we have completed the solution. The light bulb comes on, “Yes! That’s it. That’s what has been bothering me/wrong with me!”
And then we wipe our hands clean.
With wisdom comes responsibility. The knowledge of what is broken begs the question of how to facillitate repair.
Self-help is bane. Lead me to the cross.
Wow…I think the older I get, the faster the years go by. 2008 was a blur. There are several months I cannot even account for.
At this point, I don’t really have a word for 2008. I cannot say it was incredible, or there was lots of forward motion in my life. But, it was not awful, and I don’t feel that I regressed. I had hoped to be out of debt…that did not happen. But I am farther along than I was at the beginning of the year. I had hoped to change jobs and advance my goals in medicine, music, and writing. I did change jobs, and I am happy with the switch. Working with EMS is amazing and exciting, and provides a gateway into many other options for my life. Music and writing have seen a downturn as of lately…BUT, this job allows much more free time than before, so I am hoping to change that. I have someone that inspires me and appreciates the good, the bad, and the ugly in me. She allows me to see all of the above in her as well.
Transparency and honesty are worth more than so many of the things I see people pursuing now…they will realize that one day.
I think the greatest thing is that 2008 was far different from 2007, and in a good way at that. That was my greatest hope for the year.
Wow.
It is stunning how my feelings and thoughts change when I don’t feel trapped.
Be it relationship, job, or situation, when I feel trapped or squashed, it seems I cannot even function. Passion and creativity die, and I fail to see the good in the situation. This happens when things get into a rut and I feel as if the environment is no longer dynamic. I’m definitely not advocating this stance as correct, because I think finding joy in all circumstances is how it should be. All I’m saying is that it’s amazing that as soon as the detail that made me feel trapped is removed, I am able to stand back and actually look at my circumstances objectively. When I do that, I am almost always overwhelmed with gratitude for the blessings that surround me.
Habituation—it’s real.
I’m not a hippie, but I’m way too free-spirited for monotony.
Feels just like we’re losing control…
This time of year makes me remember. Sometimes I remember too much, and other times I can’t remember anything. This season seems to evoke similar feelings for everyone…I see all of your blogs and writings and the feeling is mutual.
I want to be in the sun and the cold air
moving fast
thinking less
learning
gaining wisdom
fulfilled
I have less of a handle on this than I think I do. It’s a fun ride though…and I am continually appreciating why I am on it.
The emotions that come and go. The people you miss; the people you don’t. The good you have and the good you know. The elation coupled with heavy sense of loss, but hope in between all the lines.
The things–the things you wish you did-Haha, those plague me more than the things I wish I didn’t.
YHWH, be the air I breathe.
I am currently reading, but not completely finished with this book. Nick, Brady and I were having a discussion on it just Wednesday night. The discussion pertained to the fact that the work is a fiction book that portrays God with a persona, as well as Jesus and the Holy Spirit. There is theologically questionable material in this book, as well as the sheer “audacity” to write a story about God appearing to a man as a large black woman.
Real danger does exist in this form: If a story is so convincing, yet not theologically sound, can it (through persuasive story-telling) lead you to believe something about God that has no Biblical basis? Absolutely it could.
BUT, this book is changing the way I read scripture, and the way I approach God in a positive way that does have Biblical grounding. It has caused me to consider possibilities of relationship with God that my Southern-Bible-belt religious mindset sometimes hasn’t allowed. Let me be clear–the possibilities about relationship with God that I am recognizing because of this book are reinforced by scripture. Although many of the narratives and descriptions used in The Shack to derive the possibilities aren’t found in scripture.
To give example, in this book God is portrayed as a large black woman. This is perhaps not theologically sound in that God has never portrayed or described himself as a woman. That very well could be because of cultural significance to people he revealed himself to, but that is another discussion topic. Anyway, this portrayal seems blasphemous at first glance, even in my mind. There is some extensive dialogue in the book as to why God chose to appear in that form. The dialogue is summed up with “God” saying that he appeared that way in order to immediately be seen outside of any typical religious expectations. God then tells the man that he(she) is not about meeting his “religious” expectations.
This persona of God is definitely not backed up in scripture, and some would even consider it heresy to put a persona on God at all. Here’s what I took from that section of the book:
God is not confined to the boxes we put him in.
God does not work through the terms we apply for Him.
God exceeds our expectations.
These concepts are absolutely justified in scripture, and personally, I’m not too upset if it took fiction to remind me of them. I’ll take all the help I can get to remind me to be more spiritually minded on a day to day basis. This book is helping with that. Chew the meat and spit out the bone.
Follow through
Make your dreams come true
Don’t give up the fight
You will be all right
Cause there’s no one like you
In the universe
There are some things no one should ever have to do…
Some things that no one should ever have to experience…
Some things I wouldn’t wish on my enemies.
One should never have to sit in front of witnesses and a judge, and more importantly, someone they once loved, and tell of how that person destroyed that love.
One should never have to be victim to thoughts and opinions that change others’ interaction with them. Especially those that have no basis.
The thoughts begin to creep in, taking away logic for their duration. Am I a hapless victim of this crime? Or have I been the cause of all of this?
People tell you that you did nothing wrong. “It’s not your fault.”
But I wonder if my permissiveness allowed much more to enter.
The questions don’t always have answers…but the asking brings healing. And the healing brings a world of knowledge and a better understanding of why they had to be asked. That is the wealth that is hidden behind the struggle.
To amend this post, when you exercise…do it in the Sunlight.
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